Happiness or Truth
by Princess-Leasel
Summary: Last week we were just friends who had sex, this week we are lovers.


Happiness or truth

"What are you thinking about?" His eyes study me, every little thing I am doing, every little thought I am having. It unnerves me to no end, and yet I remain open for him to see.

"The bombings, they scared Emily, they scared her a lot. Zoe says she won't go to the mall anymore." With his eyes no longer on me I have a unique chance to study Cal in his raw form. All his wrinkles, all his scars, everything in his life leading up to this moment. I run my fingers down his chest and smile as I feel him shift under me. I'm not used to having Cal like this. Usually when we are together, the time is filled with passion, hunger and hands desperately grabbing at each other. His lips making desperate paths over my skin, my fingers claiming him as mine, and after we both come, screaming out the others name he leaves and we don't speak of it again, until the next time he shows up at my door, the same look in his eyes and the cycle starts again.

But not this time. This time he was gentle, loving even. The way he touched me, kissed me, held me. I could feel my usually barriers crashing down around me, allowing myself to get lost in the moment, to get lost in him. He had collapsed on me at the end, burying his face in my neck, arms holding me close, his lips softly grazing my skin.

His hand across my stomach brings me back to the present. I try to hide the effect he has over me but I know it's futile.

"Those boys, they had no idea, no idea whatsoever that their life was about to be over, no warning, no nothing. They just-" I sigh. "It's just not fair."

"Life is not fair luv." I look up and meet his eyes.

"Everything happens for a reason Cal." I can't help but laugh as he stares at me, confusion knotting his face.

"That contradicts what you just said." He tries to say it like he isn't interested but I can tell he is intrigued by my confession.

"Just because it sucks doesn't mean there isn't a reason behind it."

"So you're saying there is a reason behind those boys being killed? That it's justified because you believe that there is a reason for everything? What's the reason this time huh?" His eyes dare me to fight back, his tone harsh and short. A million thoughts fly through my head but not one of them will help me to answer his question. I know he is studying me, reading every thought I am having and I refuse to give him the satisfaction of winning.

"Not every reason is clear cut nor is it obvious at first." Cal snorted and looked away.

"When Alec started back up on the drugs I would lay in bed for hours on end, whether it be day or night, racking my brain for a reason this was happening again and I couldn't think of anything. When he started with his lies about where he was and what he was doing I'd cry myself to sleep every night asking myself why he was doing this, why I had to deal with this." Over come with the memories of that time, I bury my head in Cal's chest. He pulls me closer, his lips on my head, reassuring me.

"I hated the fact I could read every little lie he told me and yet I would do nothing. Why? What for? I just didn't know."

"And the reason was luv?" I can't help but laugh, always to the point he was. I look into his eyes, desperately trying to tell him that this was the point. We were the point. Without all of the drama Alec created, what we have right now would be nonexistent. We would still just be colleagues who danced carefully around a god-forsaken line. I'm opening up; I'm throwing everything into this. I want him to see all the love, desire and trust I have for him.

"I'll hurt you. Just like I've managed to hurt everyone else close to me."

" You've been hurting me for years Cal."

"Nothing would ever be secret, we can read each other to well. You would never be happy."

"Happiness or truth, never both."

"Exactly."

"I want both Cal." He pushes my hair off my face and places a gentle butterfly kiss on my neck, his hands running down my naked back.

"You can't have both Gillian."

"Why?" Cal shakes his head and looks at me.

"Cal how long have we known each other?"

"8years." He answers without hesitation which makes me happy.

"In that time how many lies have you told me?" I can see the wheels turning in his head, he is unsure about where I am taking this.

"3." I raise my eyebrow, daring him to stand his ground.

"Ok 4" He looks so god damn good when he is guilty, why have I never noticed that before?

"5" I pipe up. "If you count that lie you just told me about a lie." I squeal as he pokes me in the side. His hand captures mine and he rolls us over so that he is on top. The feeling of him pressing into me sends shivers down my spine.

"What's your point luv?"

"We can have both Cal, that's my point. I'm completely open with you; you can read me like a book. And you, I know everything that's going on with you, you never keep anything from me and you know what, I'm happy. I'm happiest when I'm with you. You're the only person who is completely honest with me and you're the only one I'm always happy around. Throws a spanner into you little phrase doesn't it?" He gives me one of his smirks and I can tell he is amused, but behind it all I can tell he agrees with me, that he feels the same way. And yet I see fear, ever so slightly but it's still there. I bring my hand up to cup his face, my thumb rubbing small circles on his cheek.

"Tell me." He kisses the inside of my hand as he props himself up beside me. He doesn't say a word he just stares at me. I search his eyes for my answer and I find what I'm looking for. He is scared of hurting me, scared of loosing me. Wrapping my arms around him, I bring myself close, my lips inches away from Cal's.

"Ready?" I say and I feel my whole being explode with happiness when a smile forms across his face. His lips are on mine; kissing me with a passion I have never experienced before. His hands claiming my body as his and his lips vowing to never let me go.

Last week we were just friends who had sex, this week we are lovers.


End file.
